STUCK
Wear it to the laundromat. Watch a grown man decide whether to ask. He won't. His wife will. She already knows.
Ladies' racerback tank (Next Level 1533) · 60/40 cotton-poly · XS–2XL
$26Soon
Official Merch • Hastings, Nebraska
Wear it to Menards.
See who laughs.
Tees, ladies' tanks and hats with the stuff people keep screenshotting off this website. Soft. Sturdy. Printed in the 402. Every one of them is a conversation you're going to have to explain at church.
Store opening soon. Want one now? Text Jake "I need the shirt" and he'll put you on the list. There is a list. It's long.
For Her
Ladies' tees & tanks. He'll notice.
Very Thorough
The only five-star review that makes the person reading it a little uncomfortable. Great at church. Better at book club.
Unisex tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) · ring-spun cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
He Comes To You
It's the company slogan. It's on the van. Nobody has ever said it out loud without pausing. Now it's on a tank top.
Ladies' racerback tank (Next Level 1533) · 60/40 cotton-poly · XS–2XL
$26Soon
Tuesdays
Greg thinks it's about bowling. Let Greg think it's about bowling. Machine wash cold. Tumble dry. Do not get stuck in the dryer.
Unisex tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) · ring-spun cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
Greg Doesn't Know
Comes with a free second shirt for the day Greg finds out. Just kidding. Nothing helps that day. Wear this one till then.
Unisex tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) · ring-spun cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
"Fine."
For when you're fine. Perfectly fine. Never been finer. The chimney is doing that on its own. Don't worry about the chimney.
Ladies' racerback tank (Next Level 1533) · 60/40 cotton-poly · XS–2XL
$26Soon
Serviced
Our best seller by a mile, and every single one was bought "as a gag." Sure. Ships in a plain box. You're welcome.
Unisex tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) · ring-spun cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
Discreet.
The van, hiding behind a house, on a shirt that is not hiding behind anything. The irony is included at no extra charge.
Unisex tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) · ring-spun cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
For Him
Dudes' tees. Four words or fewer.
Damn.
One word. Covers everything from "the transmission's shot" to "her mother's staying till Easter." Heavyweight, because so is the news.
Unisex heavyweight tee (Gildan 5000) · 100% cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
"Yep."
The full transcript of every conversation held on a tailgate in this state since 1867. Both lines. Nothing left out.
Unisex heavyweight tee (Gildan 5000) · 100% cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
beer?
The entire text message, and the man who got it, already holding one. If she asks who you're texting, it's on the shirt. Point at the shirt.
Unisex heather tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) · 52/48 cotton-poly · S–3XL
$28Soon
68
Settles the argument by being a shirt. Nobody has ever won a fight against a shirt. Hoodie version coming, for the people who lost.
Unisex heavyweight tee (Gildan 5000) · 100% cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
The Alibi
Not admissible anywhere. Worn by four men in Adams County on the same night, which is how we found out it's non-transferable.
Unisex tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) · ring-spun cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
Welp.
Say it, slap your knees, stand up, and then talk in the doorway for another forty minutes. The shirt does not speed this up. Nothing does.
Unisex heavyweight tee (Gildan 5000) · 100% cotton · S–3XL
$28Soon
Hats
Hats. Tip accordingly.
The Trucker
The one he actually wears. Sits a little high, like it's supposed to. Gets you a nod from every other guy in a Richardson at the co-op.
Richardson 112 · foam front, mesh back, snapback · black/white
$24Soon
The Jake
Same cap, same J. From thirty feet away you're him. Please use this responsibly on Tuesdays.
Otto pro-style snapback · orange crown, black visor
$24Soon
Ope.
For sneaking past people at Menards, at the fair, in church, and in your own kitchen. You'll say it anyway. Might as well match.
Richardson 112 · foam front, mesh back, snapback · loden
$24Soon
Stuck
Low profile, broken in, tiny legs on the front. Explains itself. Or doesn't. Either way, she's not answering questions.
Yupoong classic dad cap · unstructured, strap back · pink
$24Soon
The 402
Not a team. Not a brand. An area code. In this state that's enough to get you a free beer and a forty-minute conversation about the weather.
Richardson 112 · foam front, mesh back, snapback · heather grey/black
$24Soon
Sizes S–3XL on tees, S–XL on tanks, one-size hats. Prices are what we're aiming for; the store isn't open yet. Proceeds keep the van full of gas and the cooler full of the good cheap stuff. Jake's House Calls is a real appliance, furnace and A/C repair business in Hastings, NE. The shirts are jokes. The number on them is not: 402-909-JAKE.